2K Games admit that Bioshock Infinite was an ironic attempt at making a shitty game

Bioshock Infinite was a controversial game, while some praised it for it’s originality and graphics, others condemned it, including those popular in the scene. The most memorable of these was when Gabe Newell, CEO of Valve, infamously said “There’s no way that this pile of garbage actually had any real effort put into it. Sad!” Though reviews were generally favourable, many agreed that there was something off about the game.

Well after years and years of debates regarding the game’s true inception, an “executive” producer at 2K Games, Tony Hawk, finally admitted to us here at Bootwack, that the game was simply “an experiment to see how shitty you could make a product that you rats would still go out and buy.” He elaborated, “The game was so fucking terrible, but we put the Bioshock name on it and it won tons of awards and the fucking monkeys that buy video games ate that shit up!”
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“We honestly never expected it would get this far” Hawk continued, “We let the lead designer’s 4 year old son Tommy write the fucking story.” Although this is a shock to many, we at Bootwack were always aware that there was something wrong with this game. Thankfully, Tony Hawk reached out to us and let us know of this telling and shocking news.

 

“I CAN’T BELIEVE IT WORKED YOU DUMBASSES HAAHAHAHA” Tony Hawk wailed as he started manically laughing, wiping away tears of laughter, and tearing the posters off the walls. He later had to be escorted out of the Bootwack offices to decrease any further damage to our property. We would like to thank Tony Hawk for letting us in on this development secret. We have reached out to Gabe Newell for further criticisms, but he refuses to comment on the situation.

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Entrepreneur Mr. Brohoof makes bold claim of being the only employee at Bethesda Studios

After going on another long Twitter rant about his many business ventures, Entrepreneur Mr. Brohoof has recently put out a tweet insisting that he is the only employee at Bethesda Game Studios. The tweet was in response to an angry internet citizen, @stinkytyrone, who claimed that his new game, “Sexy Doge Adventure” was a “straight rip off of Bethesda’s award winning open world formula”. In response, he tweeted “Ripped off Bethesda? You dense motherfucker.” Mr. Brohoof said. “I AM Bethesda.“

 

“I AM Bethesda.“ – Mr. Brohoof

 

This bold claim has seen much controversy around the internet since its posting, with Mr. Brohoof’s words echoing throughout countless internet forums and discussion boards. Many are conflicted on this piece of new information set out by the successful businessman, but nobody is quite sure and for this reason, arguments and rage continue on.

 

Mr. Brohoof went on to detail that he is not only working at and owns Bethesda Softworks, but that the company, as a whole, is a single-man effort driven by none other than just himself. “Fallout 4? Me. Elder Scrolls? Me. Fallout 3? Me. I made these games and I’m proud of my craft.”

 

There is currently no evidence supporting either side, as Mr. Brohoof has reportedly destroyed any legal documentation of the employees at the award-winning game development company. No legal action has yet been taken, which may be due to the fact that Mr. Brohoof couldn’t possibly sue himself.

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We at BootWack think that Mr. Brohoof, as a talented and successful individual, could easily run a company as successful as Bethesda by himself. However, we had no idea he was such a gifted and talented game developer, as his independently released games “Sexy Doge Adventure”, “Twilight Sparkle Dress Up”, and “The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess” are pretty terrible. If the s ituation does somehow end up being that Mr. Brohoof is indeed, not the only employee at the successful game studio, we and the rest of the internet believe and expect that Mr. Brohoof could take over Bethesda with ease.

Kanye West goes on angry Sonic-themed rant at the 2017 Grammys

Kanye has a history of acting up at the Grammys, from his disrespect to Taylor Swift to his condemnation of Beck after winning Album of the Year. So of course, there was a palpable tension whenever Kanye went up to the stage to receive his award for Single of the Year for his song “Hot Cross Buns.” Fortunately, Kanye didn’t call out on someone attending the Grammys but rather focused on a gaming corporation with questionable decisions.

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“I know y’all scared and stuff, but I ain’t callin out ANYONE here..” Kanye said as the audience applauded. Kanye elaborated… “I’m callin’ out SEGA. How come you niggas can’t stick to the award-winning sonic formula?” A full transcript of the incident is written below.

“I’m really sick of you guys making terrible decisions regarding the Sonic the Hedgehog franchise; Colors and Generations were great, it seemed like you guys were on the right track, then you had to mess it up and drop Sonic Lost World. Sure that game wasn’t TERRIBLE but it left a lot to be desired. And when I thought it couldn’t get any worse you drop the AWFUL Sonic Boom games. Finally you guys are taking another step in the right direction with the fan made creation Sonic Mania. Having played this game, it’s amazing and I would absolutely love to see this style implemented again but perhaps with a bit more original levels and music. One thing I’m pretty frustrated with about you guys, Sonic Forces. Now there is nothing inherently wrong with the game looking objectively, but the boost gameplay again? Don’t get me wrong, I love Colors and Generations, but you’re relying on this type of gameplay a little bit too much. What happened to the Adventure formula? I’ve played fan games, namely Sonic Utopia, that controlled and felt better and more like a classic sonic game than Adventure AND the boost gameplay. What would be a smart move is to HIRE developers like this! You did it with Sonic Mania, why not do it with a 3D Sonic game? In Utopia, I felt like I was totally 100% in control. It felt good not only as a game centered on speed, but as a game with precise and accurate platforming controls. In a 3D platformer, accuracy and precision are key, this is why Mario’s formula works so well in 3D. This is why, even in what is in my opinion the best controlling officially released 3D Sonic game, Sonic Adventure, it can still be difficult to keep yourself from falling off of platforms or going too fast for your own good. Sonic Utopia eliminates this gripe I had with the Adventure formula as well as the boost gameplay. Why would you not take advantage of this? It would be incredibly easy as well as cost efficient to hire this developer and promote the game yourself rather than making a game from scratch. The developer would be honored, the fans would be happy, and the Sonic the Hedgehog series would once again reach greatness. Sonic Mania was an incredible business decision as well as a super fun game that I loved playing through, it was truly a joy. I think the next step is to create 3D Sonic games with new elements, dynamics, gameplay mechanics, and better controls. Take the originality of Sonic Mania and put it in a blender with the mechanically impressive Sonic Utopia and make an incredible 3D Sonic game, why not? It would be cheaper than making your own game, easier to promote, make the fanbase happier, and I’m assuming most importantly for you, it would MAKE MORE MONEY. It’s a no brainer, people are still interested in buying a quality product. A 3D Sonic game with the same love put into it as the classics would be incredibly impressive and refreshing. Another thing I have to say about SEGA Is….”

The transcript ends when Kanye was forced off stage by security. Now even though West kind of went off on a tangent, he brings up a number of good points. And hopefully Sega responds with something soon. Potentially a new sonic game? Who knows? We at Bootwack are eagerly awaiting what Sega will say in response to Mr. West.

UPDATE: Kanye West shortly after the Grammy’s announced that he would be programming and designing his own Sonic game and presenting it to Sega. “I just really think that if I don’t do it, no one will; I don’t wanna see the blue blur die like that.” He has given us a number of name concepts, including “Sonic Resurrection”, “Sonic Revenge”, and “Resident Evil.”

Bad Rats Review – A Retrospective

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Tomorrow marks the one year anniversary of our last review, since then I have tried to remain calm when people mention Bad Rats, but it’s so difficult. I just wish I could constantly shout from the rooftops “I LOVE BAD RATS SO MUCH!!!!” But alas, real life awaits.

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It’s strange to me how people have passions and dreams like being an astronaut, musician, or any other form of art. I mean I know these things have their place, but why do I get so many dirty looks when I tell people I’m a Bad Rats enthusiast? We live in a world where people constantly tell their children “You can grow up to be whatever you want to be.” But I can’t define myself based on the profound love I have for this game? Why not? All different kinds of people have different kinds of passions, and videos games, and more specifically Bad Rats, is my passion.

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The reason BootWack has been so inactive is because I can’t find anything I particularly feel can make the same societal impression as sharing my thoughts on the most incredible game ever. That being said, me and Koveryl have heard the thousands of complaints and will soon be moving back to regular content.

maxresdefault (1).jpgI suppose my point in all this is to keep trying to spread the good word of my ultimate passion, Bad Rats. I’m incredibly proud of my review and my philanthropic effort to get Bad Rats in the public eye, and I hope one day my offspring will do the same. People will shake their heads and people will laugh, but they know that deep down nothing will ever affect them the way that Bad Rats has affected me.

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Bad Rats is the most undeniably, indisputably, amazing experience of my or any generation. Nothing will ever come close. No political or religious affiliation, no charity, no movie, no book, no other form or art or media will EVER make me feel the way that this game makes me feel.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again

ANYONE WHO DOES NOT LOVE BADRATS SHOULD BE EXECUTED

Thank you for reading, stay tuned for more content.

Bad Rats Review – Classic Reviews

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*DISCLAIMER*

You’ll have to forgive Bootwack’s long absence. I’ve been constantly writing this review for the last 2 months without breaks, so it’s not that we haven’t been hard at work, it’s just that these things take time. Now sit back, relax and read this review of the most incredible game I’ve ever played. I’m serious.

Well, It’s kind of hard to say anything about this game that hasn’t already been said. This game is a classic in every single way. In fact, I’d go as far to say that this game is the only game to perfectly fit the definition of the word classic. I have no clue where to begin, this game has so much content it makes my head spin. We’ll start with the story.

STORY

The game begins with a cut scene that sets things up absolutely perfectly. You see some very beautiful rats. Truly gods creation, from suicide bomber rat, to batter rat, but we’ll get more into characters later. And these rats have a beef with the mean old cat. You don’t necessarily learn what happens that makes the cat the Rat’s target. But the cat is no victim. A quick look into the cats eyes will show fear. Fear of being caught and killed, but fear stems from guilt. The cat must be guilty, which makes me think that the rats are more than justified. The rats have to go through hell and back but they finally kill the cat once and for all.

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Though the game does not end on a cliffhanger, you must still ask some unanswered questions. For example, we never did find out the backstory of the cat. I believe the developers did this on purpose. They would not have not included it if it didn’t mean something. Something’s fishy about that cat. I just know it.

Story: 10/10

GRAPHICS

This game looks absolutely incredible. It’s so so hard to believe it came out in 2007 when it is still probably the best looking game ever made. Even my custom graphics cards in 4 way SLI have trouble sometimes running the game at a constant 60 fps. This is not the games fault however. It’s just simply too beautiful to run without a serious rig. There isn’t too much to say, I’m not doing it any Justice.

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Graphics: 10/10

PHYSICS

The game boasts a completely amazing physics engine. It is by far the most realistic physics engine I’ve ever encountered. There are no random instances of unrealistic occurrences. Everything is exactly how it would be in real life. Could you imagine a real life Bad Rats? I’m eternally depressed it will never happen. I’d really be living the High Life.

Physics: 10/10

CHARACTERS

The game has a wide variety of rat characters. From Suicide Bomber rat, to Batter Rat, to Forklift Rat, to Stunt rat, To Fat rat, to Balloon Rat. The list goes on and on. The characters department is by far the best of any game I’ve ever played.

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Characters: 10/10

FINAL THOUGHTS

By far the most incredible game of all time, I can’t believe I was lucky enough to be graced with the gift of experiencing this masterpiece. It’s the only game I care about, truly. It’s why me and Koveryl started Bootwack. To bring attention to the industry that gave us this Magnum Opus. If I had to trade my or anyone else’s existence for this game, I would gladly do so. This game is more incredible than anyone in the human race combined, except for the development team of this game. Words can simply not describe what I feel about this game. Considering it’s $1 on Steam and has the best gameplay, story, graphics, and characters of any game I’ve ever played, I don’t know why you wouldn’t give it a chance. In fact, let me get something straight…

ANYONE WHO DOES NOT LOVE BAD RATS SHOULD BE EXECUTED.

I’m sorry. But it’s true. As far as games go, Bad Rats takes the cake.

Overall: 10/10

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Gabe Newell refuses to comment on the situation.